So, you want to make Crêpe Suzette? Hey, go for it! I'm no great chef, and I managed it -- so can you! Along with some vegetable oil, some paper towels, and something to safely start a fire with (and a fire extinguisher), gather the following:
1. 1 cup flour
2. 4 eggs
3. 1¼ cup milk
4. 1 pinch salt
5. 4 tbsp butter
6. 6 more tbsp butter
7. 4 tbsp sugar
8. 1 large orange, juiced
9. ½ cup Grand Marnier
Combine ingredients 1-4 in a blender, but stop the moment it's smooth. Melt ingredient 5, add, and stir until you have something that looks vaguely like watery pancake batter. Then, put it in the fridge for an hour. Do not skip this step -- you don't want bubbles in your crepes!
Take out your batter, and look at it crosseyed. Are you really supposed to make anything resembling a pancake with this? For gods' sake, it looks like a soggy runny milkshake! Oh, well. That's what the internet said, and who are you to argue with the internet? Grab a small pot of water, boil it, and when it's boiling, turn off the heat and put the whole bottle of Grand Marnier in. No, don't pour the Grand Marnier in -- put the bottle itself into the hot water.
Then, lightly oil a flat pan by rubbing an oiled paper towel on the surface, heat to medium, and pour about ¼ cup of batter onto the pan and swirl until it's covered the bottom of the pan. Wait sixty seconds, then flip, then wait thirty seconds, then take off the heat and put it on a plate or something. Repeat this several times, and be glad you made lots of batter because you've messed up quite a few of these! Eventually, you should have a plate of super-thin pancakes.
Now here's the part where you risk burning down the house. In a much bigger pan, you'll be combining ingredients 6-8. Melt the butter until it foams, dissolve the sugar in it, then add the juice, and bring to a simmer.
Now, very quickly, fold a crepe in half, drop it in the sauce, fold in half again. Fold another crepe in half, drop it in the sauce, fold it in half again. Faster, you fool! Hurry up, because each second you delay, the crepes you've already added are sucking up sauce and you don't want that last crepe you add to be cheated of its fair share!
Now, very quickly measure out your half-a-cup of now-quite-warm orangy syrupy boozy goodness (it should be steaming) and pour it over the crepes. Then, set fire to it... oh, wait, never mind, it caught fire all by itself! Awesome! Fire! FIRE! Huh-huh! Fire! Ha ha, fire... wait, was that it? Three fucking seconds of flames? I bought a brand-new hand-held kitchen fire extinguisher for that!? BOOOOOOO!
For just an instant, consider consoling your poor deprived inner pyromaniac, who's been horribly cheated by this pathetic display, by pouring yourself a shot of warm Grand Marnier. After all, it's 40% alcohol; you should be able to get a buzz off it, and since it's so warm, the alcohol will go to your brain like lightning. Oh, wait. No one actually drinks Grand Marnier, because it feels like Glycos, the Greek God of all sugary things, punching you in the throat and kicking you in the groin. Besides, if you drink enough to get drunk, you'll also end up with a wicked sugar high, which will be no end of entertaining for your test subjects to watch, but dear gods, the hangover you'll have the next day...!
(Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.)
Make a mental note to have a shot of rum or something later. Or next time, use Cointreau instead. For now, your dessert is done! Serve it onto plates, dust with powdered sugar or orange bits for decoration if you like, and watch it get wolfed down. Try to eat it slowly, to savor it... and untimately give up and just inhale the damned thing. And wash the sauce pan promptly, because when you set the sauce on fire, some of the sugar turned to caramel, and caramel is a pain in the ass to remove once it dries.
(Sadly, there is currently no photograph of the completed dish. I meant to include one, as I did with Peach Melba, but I suffered a serious technical difficulty -- the dessert leapt up into people's faces and down their gullets before it could be photographed.)