fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
This is my front page. If you want me to add you, drop me a line here. Or, add me. Either way, I'll check you out. You can also drop me a line here if, for instance, you don't have my email address. All comments here are screened.

This post also includes every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my phone. I chose this style because, as bare-bones as it is, it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my LJ -- is for.
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
This filk is dedicated to a certain group of sad, bitter, hateful, misogynist assholes who think that they're owed pussy, and they're angry that the world doesn't just hand it to them, and they rail and gnash about how they're doomed -- DOOMED! -- to eternal involuntary celibacy (because all women are superficial cunts who can't see what great guys they are). Oddly, many such neckbeards are apparently Rush fans... so filking a Rush song seems especially appropriate.

(I should add that I have sixteen of Rush's CDs on my computer myself. Not all of us are neckbeards, I promise!)


Loveshy

On certain sites
if your log-in is right
You will find the creepy and desperate.

They're so dismayed
that they'll never get laid.
Must be 'cos all women are against them.

Loveshy -- they sleep alone tonight.
Women just ignore the loveshy.
Loveshy -- all females out of reach.
Scaring them away, it's loveshy.

You could sympathize
With all these poor guys.
They are sad and badly damaged.

But save your tears,
When a lady appears,
They say "bitch, make me a sammich."

Loveshy -- they sleep alone tonight.
Women just ignore the loveshy.
Loveshy -- their dicks are in their hands.
Wanking's all they get, it's loveshy.

They're so afraid,
They will never get laid
Without some form of payment.

They're bitter jerks,
Typing bitter words
From their parents' basements.

Loveshy -- their dicks are in their hands.
Wanking's all they get, it's loveshy.
Loveshy -- all females out of reach.
Women just avoid the loveshy.
Women just avoid the loveshy.
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
"I'd like to thank the internet -- Google in particular -- for making it possible for me to write this song, and the Academy -- Seth MacFarlane in particular -- for making it necessary."

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
In the movie that we saw, we saw your peen.

Kevin Bacon, we saw your peen in "Wild Things."
Vincent Gallo, we saw yours in "The Brown Bunny."
Jason Segel, we saw yours in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall,"
in a break-up scene that was painful but sorta funny.
Jason Mewes in "Zack and Miri Make! A! Por! No!"
Richard Gere in "American Gigolooooo!"
Sacha Baron Cohen in "Borat," M.C.Gainey in "Sideways,"
But have we seen Tom Cruise' peen? Noooo!

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
In the movie that we saw, we saw your peen.

Bruce Willis, we saw your peen in "The Color of Night."
Jason Biggs, we saw yours in "American Reunion."
Russell Crowe, we almost saw yours in "Hammers Over the Anvil."
Tom Hardy, we got to see yours in "Bronson."
Harvey Keitel was naked in "Bad! Lieu! Ten! Ant!"
Jaye Davidson in "The Crying Gaaaaaame!"
Mark Ruffalo in "In the Cut," Michael Fassbender in "Shame,"
Ewan McGregor, we saw your peen in "Velvet Goldmine."
...and "Trainspotting."
...and "The Pillow Book."
...and "Young Adam."
...and whatever you're shooting right now.

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles!

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
Peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen...
We saaaaaw! yooooour! peeeeeeeeen!
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
(The following song makes a lot more sense if you've heard this one.)

All you have to do is take a cup of flour!
Add it to the mix!
Now just take a little something sweet, not sour!
A bit of salt, just a pinch!

STD awareness is such a cinch!
Make icing look like gonorrhea!
Add a few warts, and you count by fours,
And let everypony see your...

Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty!
Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty!
Cupcakes!
Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES! (NSFW, Not Safe For Lunch!)
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
(Warning: this post uses the word "bitch" nineteen times (twenty if you count the one time I use it in a URL). This isn't counting the thirty-nine times that the word appears in the song I'm taking the piss out of in this post.)

So, there's this really awful song. I'd successfully forgotten about it until I saw the music video for it in a mall. It was on a TV in a store there, and the merch being sold at the store was apparently aimed at rap fans. (I'm including the video for the sake of completeness. Don't watch it. The fact that is uses the word "bitch" thirty-nine times is the least of its faults.)



I really want to see Ron Weasley on stage with her. Just as she's saying "basic bitches wear that shit so I don't even..." he can tackle her and yell "BOTHER!" And if you you don't get that, you need more Potter Puppet Pals in your life. "Bother bother bother bother bother...!"

What I want to know is, what the fuck is a "basic bitch"?

I saw this discussed before, the first time I heard of this terrible horrible no-good very-bad song. Basic bitches are apparently bitches with a pH above seven, as opposed to acidic bitches, who are bitches with a a pH below seven. And if you put a bunch of basic bitches and acidic bitches in the same room together, no doubt you'll end up with lots of vigorous interactions and the end result will be salty bitches.

Sure, I found this amusing. After all, I remember enough of my college chemistry to write raunchy fic about a slutty Phosphorus atom (here on LJ, here on DW), and acids and bases are easy stuff compared to that. But I was actually a computer science major, so BASIC bitches rang very different bells in my head.

"Goto, goto, gosub, enter, input, print, data,
The BASIC bitches type that shit so I don't even bother,
The Java bitches are so trendy, they're all up in Twitter,
and no one talks to COBOL bitches, 'cos they're old and bitter.
The Fortran bitches think they're clever 'cos they're good at math,
And if you're mean to LISP-y bitches, they will kick your ath..."

No doubt we could also go into bitches who work for the British American Security Information Council, but I'm obviously reaching there.

(And yes, I know very well I could have looked up "basic bitch" on Urban Dictionary or something. Typing this up was more fun.)
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
Wow. Three days from Christmas, and despite having been subjected to Lawrence Welk's Christmas Favorites Holiday Traditions on Sirius at work every day, I have yet to rewrite a Christmas song. I must be more exhausted than I thought. Oh, well. Today, it's Johnny Mathis' turn in the barrel!


We've Got a Lot of Christmas

Bring on the carols!
It's time to hear those songs that... you've all heard before!
Yes, it's the season!
You're gonna hear these songs ten... times a day for six weeeeeeeeks!

For they've got a lot of Christmas! Great big lot of Christmas!
Giant wad of Christmas, and it's coming out my ears!
Yes they've got a lot of Christmas! Tons and tons of carols!
They say their songs are golden oldies, but they've turned all gray and moldy!

Blackmail your children!
God knows that that's the only... way that they'll behave!
Let's hear more carols!
Let's hear a song about cold... weather, drinks, and date raaaaaaaape¹!

For I've grown a little sadder, grown a little leaner,
grown a little madder, grown a little meaner.
And I need a little music, with satan in the lyrics,
To rinse my ears of reindeer shiiiiiiit!

For they've got a lot of Christmas! Great big lot of Christmas!
Giant wad of Christmas, and it's coming out my ears!
Yes they've got a lot of Christmas! Giant wad of Christmas!
They're shoving Christmas up my aaaaaaass!



    1. I don't give a shit what the original intent of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" was. The fact that I have to hear it ten times a day at work has not left me well-disposed toward it. Lately, Sirius has been playing a version with Sammy Davis Jr. as the wolf, and I swear, he must hate the song a lot, because he seems to be trying to make it sound as creepy as possible.
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
After having seen a reference to "Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury" (warning: level 8 earworm) on someone else's LJ, I just googled it. That was a mistake, and I'll now have it stuck in my head for at least the next two days.

Actually, what if this is just the start of a trend? Will we next see more fan crushes expressed in song?


"Take us to bed, Spider Robinson!
We all want you more than you will know, woh woh woh...
We're here for you, Spider Robinson!
We can fuck all night and pun all day, hey hey hey..."


"Yes, Lovecraft is a little old guy
that I would love to lather-er-errrrr!
Lovecraft, baby! (Lovecraft! Baby, Lovecraft!)


"I've got really big feet and a really big bulge,
and a really big secret I have to divulge.
You might think it crazy, you might think it zany,
but I want to go down on Sam Delany."


Yes, Delany is gay, and obviously so is the fan crushing on him. There's also a drinking game about Delany, which I'm "borrowing" from [livejournal.com profile] caprine: "Drink every time he mentions feet or crotches."

No doubt I'm leaving out plenty of worthy fan crushes, but that sort of thing is why LJ invented comments!
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
(Warning: Level 2 Earworm Hazard)

"You don't bring me flowers?"
God, I hate that love song.
Two years since I've heard it.
It's still stuck in my head and it won't go away!

I remember when...

I was just a young man,
who had never heard it.
Now I can't help hearing it in my sleep late at night!

It makes me feel blue,
because now, it seems,
I'm doomed to forever
hear that song in my dreams.

I can't stand that love song... any mooooore!

                       

(Warning: Level 8 Earworm Hazard)

There was a party and a friend told me to come!
It was a blow-out at a vomitorium!
Everybody came and saw, and everybody hurled!
Party like the Romans after conquering the world!

(Insert sounds of someone having stomach pains here.)
I'm having fun, I'm in a good mood!
(More stomach pains here.)
Check all this out: it used to be food, and you...

Can't see my, can't see my, no, can't see my puked-on face!
Can't see my, can't see my, no, can't see my puked-on face!
P-p-p-puked-on-face-p-p-puked-on-face!
P-p-p-puked-on-face-p-p-puked-on-face!

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