fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
This is my front page. If you want me to add you, drop me a line here. Or, add me. Either way, I'll check you out. You can also drop me a line here if, for instance, you don't have my email address. All comments here are screened.

This post also includes every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my phone. I chose this style because, as bare-bones as it is, it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my LJ -- is for.
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
See this movie (NSFW!)?

It's aimed at the straight porn-addicted market. The sequel will be aimed at the gay male porn-addicted market. It will include a character named "Phil-'im-up Robertson," and the first scene will show him saying offensive things about gay people, but a few hours later he'll be thinking of hot guys and vigorously massaging his own prostate with a duck call. In at least one subsequent scene, he'll take two dicks in his ass at once. Two dicks and a duck call, if he's really ambitious.

Now, I should point out that I'm straight (mostly), and that my interest in porn is minimal -- a lingering side-effect of having done web design work in that field. That said, if this porno ever comes out for real, I will buy it.

Ha!

Nov. 30th, 2013 07:55 am
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
If you like ladies and think that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints needs a good stiff slap in the face, you might want to click this link (NSFW!).

If you like gentlemen and think that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints needs a good stiff slap in the face, you might want to click this link (NSFW!).

Me, I'm just delighted that these sites -- and hopefully many more like them -- exist. Some institutions have faces that desperately need to be slapped. And honestly, if you're shocked that women have things like breasts under their clothes, or that gay men exist, I refer you to Mae West's sentiment that people as easily shocked as you need to be shocked more often.

(This post was brought to you by Google, and a lack of basic impulse control on my part. Some day, some snoopy-ass is going to look at my search history and be perplexed at all of the seemingly random shit that has accumulated in it.)
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
A couple of days ago, I played a fun and hilarious game called Deadwood Studios with friends. It's a game in which all the players are actors doing terrible Westerns with even more terrible lines.

Maybe this says awful things about me, or the company I keep, but we all had the idea of adapting this concept for other genres at pretty much the exact same moment.

Samples of new concept cards under the cut. The mechanics will make more sense if you're familiar with the original game, but the concept will still be obvious. )
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
You know you've been on the net too long when when you see a video like this (NSFW!) and guess from the title that it's going to be a completely G-rated clip involving live poultry.
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
So, a friend of mine sent me a link to a porno, and I'm about to post it without laughing at it, mocking it, or savaging it. This is a rare thing for me! Before I do so, I'd like to thank [Martin] (I've mentioned him occasionally here), who saw it and immediately thought of me. I'd also like to thank Priminho (whoever they are) for mistagging at as gay, as [Martin] would probably not have found it otherwise.

NSFW (contains beef, sausage, and fish¹)!!!

By conventional straight porno standards, this video fails, because one does not cast men that look like this in straight porn, nor does one devote so much screen time to such a man if he gets cast by mistake. After all, straight guys watching porn don't want to see that -- what are they, queer or something? By gay porno standards, this video fails, because while the guy is certainly worthy of attention, there's a hot and nimble naked woman in it, and some gay guys are very vocal about having panic attacks at the very sight of vag (*cough*tigerwolf*cough*). In addition, there's no money shot at the end, and the pacing is deliberately, almost agonizingly slow.

All that said, I enjoyed this clip very much, and have much respect for the performers and the director for trying to make something cool and different. I hope for many sequels. Maybe one in which the man takes his turn lavishing attention on his female costar...!



    1. "Fish" is a slang term used by gay men, referring to vaginas and their owners. It's rude. Don't use it. The only reason I used it here is because there are two other meat references in the same sentence.

fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
This video is sorta worksafe, aside from some colorful language.



You can find about a half-hour of the lemon party (no, not that lemon party!) that follows this intro here (NSFW). But honestly, just watch the intro. The actual porn is nowhere near as much fun. Honestly, if you thought getting lemon juice in you eye hurt...!

I Saw Porno

Apr. 1st, 2013 09:41 am
fierynotes: Picture of Tarvek, from Girl Genius, facepalming. (facepalm)
For a few years, every time a Saw movie came out, I'd get drunk and watch it. Then, I'd type up a review of it. I watched these movies mostly because I have friends who enjoyed watching me tear them to pieces, and I got drunk first because mental impairment goes a long way toward making those movies genuinely scary. It was either that, or a head injury, and alcohol is temporary, right?

Well, there's been yet another attempt to cash in further on the franchise, and this time, there ain't enough alcohol in the world to make me watch it.

The DVD cover is under this cut. NSFW: contains sausage. )

Nothing against gay porn, mind, but one: I'm straight. Two: on the occasions when I bend the definition of "straight" a little, I favor guys who actually look like grown-ups. (Long hair helps, too -- I grew up in the eighties.) Three: even if I were a little gayer and into the barely-legal-age, this porn is a lot freakier than I care to be, or watch.


I Saw Porno
is part of a series on
Shit Sandwiches
The Movies:
Saw ISaw IISaw IIISaw IVSaw VSaw VISaw 3D

Other Comments:
I Saw BunniesSaw Home AloneSaw in 15 secondsI Saw Porno (NSFW)
fierynotes: Picture of Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, from Girl Genius.  He looks tired. (tired)
(None of these links actually contain porn, but I still wouldn't click them at work.)

First, a whole bunch of women in porn, with and without makeup. While there are a few who are covering up some rather worrying conditions, for the most part they look like, well, any other woman you'd meet on the street, in a grocery store, at the DMV, or anywhere else. If you care to point out that any one of the women (or men) around you could be in porn and you'd never know it, that's a fair observation. (I've sold at least three cameras to people who were going to film themselves professionally, and at the time, they all looked like everyday people. Some very interesting and fun conversations came with each of these sales...) If you care to point out that such widespread use of makeup implies some troubling things about our beauty standards, that's also a fair observation.

Second, a little over a month ago, this guy in porn killed himself. By all accounts, he was a good guy, loved as well as lusted after, and worked as a chemical engineer before getting into porn, which is to say that he had a brain and could have stayed in a nice "respectable" job but chose to go into porn because he genuinely enjoyed it. Looks, brains, a fulfilling career... and yet, depression hurt him just as much as it hurts some of the rest of us. (I found out about this guy because I've been trying to be more honest with my friends about how I occasionally have to fight off the urge to off myself. Then, one of them saw that this porn star he liked had killed himself, remembered that I fight depression occasionally... and has been worrying about me entirely too much.)

Finally, another suicide, this one shedding light on how marriage equality is actually a serious issue. (I found this one by accident, by googling "gay porn suicide" because I didn't remember Arpad Miklos' name. It illustrates that a porn actor is still a normal human being, though, so I'm including it in this post.)

(Suicide among performers is, sadly, not all that rare. Unfortunately, the best link I can dig up at the moment is Pink Cross Foundation, a faith-based organization which seems to hate performers -- ahem, sorry, they don't hate the sinners, they just hate the sin -- until they either quit or die, at which point they become heroic survivors or tragic victims. Google it if you're interested; I refuse to give them hits.)
fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
Action Figure Porn. Probably not especially arousing (unless you're a bit weird), but easily the funniest damn thing I've seen in a while.

(Edited to add, somewhere in some attic, I have a bunch of Star Wars toys I haven't touched since I was small. Gods help the internet if I ever find them...!)
fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
Some very bored statistician decided to create a cross section of performers in pornography, and came up with some startling figures. The average female performer is a brunette B-cup, rather than a top-heavy blonde, for instance.

Some slightly less bored video editor decided to create a video montage of male full-frontal nudity outside of porn (NSFW: contains sausage). There's some surprising variety here: little dick, big dick, glowing blue dick... and minotaur dick.
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
I was slow to get into Tumblr, partly because I enjoy discussion and Tumblr is a poor forum for it, but also because I had the impression that the SJ assholes had infested the place to a degree that they could only dream of on LJ or Dreamwidth. Still, there are a few I follow.

Mansplaining Paul Ryan -- a meme that takes the piss out of our favorite sociopath looking to become Vice President. My favorite ones are "Atlas scrubbed," "Doing dishes is women's work unless there's a camera crew involved," and "I volunteer at soup kitchens -- images available upon request."

Fuck Yeah Retail Robin -- anyone who's worked in retail has mad some of the complaints that get voiced here. Granted, some of them are from robins who are complete idiots (and I say this as a robin myself), but a lot of them are good. There are a number of similar ones like Hospitality Hamster (for hotel employees), Receptionist Rabbit, Cow-orker Complaints, and in the opposite direction, Customer Cockatoo. All fun, but it seems that Retail Robin is the only one that updates regularly.

Fuck Yeah Social Justice Sally -- quotes from alleged social justice fans who are far more interested in bullying people than they are in social justice. If the internet's various winterfoxes have made it so you cringe at the sight of the words "social justice," you'll have seen some of the quotes in this tumblr. If you care about social justice for real, you should still look, if only to be aware of the huge PR problem social justice is having right now.

Small Dick Lover (NSFW) -- my first response when I saw the images in this blog was pity. And yet... every man pictured here was very much okay with his picture being taken. Every man here is at peace with himself, and possesses his own body, to a degree that I have to envy -- especially since I should have a much easier time with that degree of self-possession and still can't manage it. There's a lesson I need to learn from this. I'm working on that. I don't read this blog regularly, but I'm glad that it exists.

Sex Is Not The Enemy (NSFW) -- I've posted this one before: a blog with pornographic shots in which all parties involved are clearly having a blast. All porn ought to be like this.

What Should We Call Opera -- some streams should never cross... for instance, funny animated gifs and opera references. Some divine lunatic crossed those streams anyway, and the result is magic. Some knowledge of opera is helpful, but often the jokes are explained, for instance, how Berlioz is god-awful-expensive to stage.

Depression Comix -- by the same guy who did Sexy Losers. If you suffer from depression, you may find this comic helpful... or triggering. Or both, sometimes at the same time. It's on my list because I occasionally get like this, and this comic helps me attach words to feelings I'm not always so good at explaining.

I'm no doubt missing out on many more -- for instance, I know of at least two friends of mine with tumblrs, and I don't remember what they are. You must shame me for my ignorance and post them in the comments!
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
This comic is not safe for work, and it's ridiculously gross. But funny!

(There are a few characters where backstory would be helpful. The three brosephs show up in this comic as well as a few others. The lady in black with the boob-window and the grudge are introduced in this comic, and seen again in this one. And the fast-food establishment that spends money trying to turn back the clock on gay equality is... well, you'd have to be under a rock to not know that one.)
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
Have you heard of Laci Green yet? Probably¹. Me, I just discovered her, and she's awesome. She espouses this radical belief that sex and bodies and all of that stuff are just plain awesome. She has 143 videos, so if you find you like her, you could easily kill a whole afternoon with her, but she addresses a wide variety of topics, from fat² to race to virginity to... well, lots more. She's very good.

Have you heard of Colby Keller yet? Perhaps not. Me, I just discovered him, and he's awesome... though since he does gay porn, his focus is considerably narrower than Laci Green's. He gives useful and practical advice on orgies, size issues, and getting into porn (and just as importantly, being clear on your reasons for wanting to be in porn, and coping with the rest of the world when it discovers you're in porn).



    1. Once upon a time, when she was still in her teens, Laci Green used the word "tranny," unaware of its impact on transpeople. When made aware of it, she apologized and banished it from her lexicon. Then, she got Winterfoxed³. She's currently stepped away from tumblr, because some worthless piece of shit who no doubt identifies as an SJW thinks that while the word "tranny" is an unforgivable slur, death threats are just peachy and the word "cunt" is just fine as long as the word "transphobic" appears in front of it. If you are one of these people, I hope you step on a lego, trip over said lego, and land face-first in a fire. And by the way, go die in a fire.

    2. Laci Green has spoken out against fatphobia, but she has apparently also discussed her own issues with controlling her weight. According to some, this would make her both fatphobic and a hypocrite. Considering that I think judging people for being fat is wrong (and I'm occasionally very vocal about this), but I also put some effort into keeping my own body fat low, you can probably guess that I'm not exactly sympathetic to people who would make either of these claims about her.

    3. 1. Winterfox, v, to use the umbrella of social justice as license to be a fuming asshole, frequently using the whole premise of "tone argument" to justify no end of abusive behavior. 2. Winterfox, n, a person who frequently engages in Winterfoxing. While some Winterfoxes are solitary predators, many Winterfoxes are pack animals.

Really?

Jul. 22nd, 2012 07:42 am
fierynotes: Picture of Hotstreak, from the cartoon Static Shock.  He looks annoyed. (annoyed)
Apparently, this (slightly NSFW) counts as news.

Well, to be fair, half the text is describing yet another invasive incident with the TSA. The other half makes me wonder if there isn't some beach that the gentleman in question could be doing handstands on, or an editor at HuffPost who was sleeping at the switch. Or both.

(I discovered this because I was reading Consumerist at work, and they linked to it. Fortunately, I was in the back room. Imagine trying to explain that to coworkers!)
fierynotes: Picture of Jerry Springer surrounded by the flames of Hell, with the caption 'What the fucking fucking fuck?' (wft)
Once upon a time, there were these two Sodium atoms, and they were totally bros. They had these two hot babes named Chlorine and Fluorine, and they'd occasionally swap charges with them, but their relationships had gotten boring, so they decided to see what else was out there.

One day, out in public, they happened upon the sluttiest phosphorus atom they'd ever seen. Normally, Phosphorus is pretty eager, and seeing Phosphorus hook up with three other atoms at once is pretty common, but this one was hooking up with three Oxygen atoms and...

"Dude! That's your girlfriend," said one Sodium atom to the other.

Sodium looked on in shock, to see his girlfriend Fluorine up to her elbow in Phosphorus' M-shell. At the opposite end of Phosphorus, one of the Oxygen atoms had both hands in, up to both elbows.

"Five covalent bonds?" Sodium said to Sodium. "I didn't know that was even possible. I'm disgusted, repulsed, and yet I can't look away."

"Neither can I."

"You see those other two Oxygen atoms?"

"You mean the ones that aren't double-fisting Phosphorus?"

"Yeah. See their charges? That Phosphorus isn't enough for them. I think they both have openings we can fill."

"The both of us? At once?"

"Hey, stop worrying, we'll be at opposite ends. It's not gay if our electrons don't touch."

And before long, Sodium and Sodium were vibrating up a storm in that electron-sharing orgy, and Oxygen and Oxygen were begging to be filled in the L-shells with Sodium's hot charges. Before long, Sodium and Sodium fired off their negative charges into that ion, and they were all satisfied and exhausted.


Stories just like this one happen untold billions of times -- in your mouth! -- every time you brush your teeth. I just thought you should know. Those of you who remember more of your college chemistry than I do, please forgive any errors.
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
This, my latest favorite blog full of pictures (NSFW!), has a lot of people of lots of different kinds. Thin, fat, muscly, curvy, young, old, male, female, in between, dark, light, some of each, ticklish, unadorned, tattooed, pierced, amputee, cartoony, and so on. The only things that these photos have in common is that they are about sex, and that everyone involved is very clearly having a blast. There's a lot of variety here, so don't expect to find everything here hot, but just about every picture got some positive reaction out of me... even if the reactions varied from "smokin'!" to "fuck yeah, you go!" to "that would be so much fun even without sex!" to "that's so cute I think I'm gonna melt!"
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, looking very pissed off. (angry)
I've been sick, and while the world keeps turning and providing lots of things that piss me off, I've been trying to avoid seeing too much of it. I'll be better able to handle it when I'm healthy again. (For now, though, I will say that Israel is making me fucking ashamed to be Jewish. And yes, though I consider myself an atheist, a major chunk of my heritage is Jewish. I usually only bother to remember it when either I'm faced with antisemitism and feeling confrontational, or when Israel decides to take one step more towards becoming a conservative theocratic shithole in defiance of its own constitution. But more on that later.)

So... have some fluff!

"You got your porn in my viral cat videos!"

"You got your cat videos in my porn!"

(And I'm laughing too hard to notice.)
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, looking very pissed off. (angry)
So, over at Fleshbot (NSFW), there's race wank brewing. Short version: some white dude got his ass ripped in half over at it's gonna hurt dot com¹, said "never again" after that, and before long got into an exchange over twitter and showed himself to be racist scum. It comes up in the comments that his views aren't all that uncommon... he's just stupid enough to air them publicly.

As much as it pains me to take this dirtbag's side, even partially...

Let's get the obvious out of the way first. Black people² are entitled to your respect as fellow human beings. They are entitled not to have you throw hateful words at them just because they're black. They are entitled to equal consideration for any job for which they apply. They are entitled not to be dismissed from a job for which they are qualified just because they're black. They are entitled not to be treated more harshly by the criminal justice system just because they're black. Obviously, in our fucked-up culture, they frequently don't get these things, but they should, and if you decide to call someone a bigot because they think black people don't deserve all these basic considerations, I won't argue with you. Hell, I'll call them a bigot myself.

What black people (or members of any other given race) are not entitled to is your lust. Or my lust, if the general "you" makes you uncomfortable here. My cock -- and the rest of my body, for that matter -- is my own. It belongs to me, dammit, and I will share it as I damn well please. If I refuse to have sex with black people because I think they're less than human, then yes, I'm a bigot. If I see black people as fully human but don't have sex with them because, for instance, I think pale skin and blue veins are sexy and black people usually lack these features, that is my right. Obviously, there are some very worthwhile people I'm missing out on, but that's my problem³, and seriously, don't those worthwhile people deserve to be appreciated by the people they're in bed with? I'm missing out on a lot of worthwhile people by being interested primarily in women, too -- are you going to call me sexist or homophobic for that?

By the same token, and again with great discomfort on my part because I'm having to defend assholes here... if some slovenly shlub with atrocious hygiene decides that he's only interested in women who look like fashion models with breast implants, that is his right. Of course, it's also the right of any fashion model with breast implants to look at shlubby and say "screw you, I can do better," which means that in practical terms, the only right shlubby will actually get to exercise will be the right to jerk off at home, frequently and alone. With his own bitter tears for lube, no doubt. Sucks to be him, admittedly, but totally not my problem. (Pthbthbthbthbthbthb!) Granted, in the real world, shlubby probably treats any women who don't meet his standards (and the women who do, but who insist on having standards of their own) with appalling disrespect, but my (grudging) defense of assholes only goes so far -- when that happens, he needs to be handed his ass, and I'll help do it if necessary.

That distinction between basic respect and lust is important here. Certain obvious exceptions aside (Fred Phelps comes to my mind, but I'm sure you can name your own here), everyone is entitled to your respect as a human being whether they make you tingly or not. And honestly, if you're only capable of treating someone with respect if they make you tingly, you fail as a human being. All that said, though, you are entitled to get tingly over whoever you please, and let's face it, you probably don't have a hell of a lot of choice over who makes you tingly. And anyone who says or implies that you're a bigot for who you sleep with also fails as a human being.



    1. I fully support black people working in porn if they so choose, but the way black men are often used in porn bothers me. Forgetting for a moment that some porn studios are desperate (NSFW: contains modest sausage and much plastic) to spread the message that all black men are very tall on their backs, certain really ugly racial tropes tend to show up a lot.

    2. Obviously, this entire paragraph applies to other races as well. I'm referring to black people here because that's where this particular wank started.

    3. This problem of mine is purely hypothetical, by the way. I live in the Bay Area, and my sexual history (with women, at least) is actually pretty diverse. Granted, my sexual history doesn't include black men, but considering that it only includes four men, lots of ethnicities aren't going to be represented in such a small sample.

fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
Nigella Lawson is food and sex all wrapped up in one person. Between her voice and her obvious appreciation for the joys of food, her show borders on dirty in all the best ways. In this episode, she makes Peach Melba, and about five minutes in, after having poached and peeled the peaches, she describes them as "naked and blushing."



Seriously, this woman could turn split pea soup into a lewd act.

This was not lost on a few demented video editors, who decided to see just how dirty they could get Nigella Lawson to be. The answer is very dirty, indeed! And kinky as hell, too. Rolling pins? "Set fire to it?" Really?

(The same video editor decided to have fun with a certain Naked Chef, but Jamie Oliver doesn't have as lovely a voice, and his choices of words don't give editors nearly as much to work with. There's one with RayRay, too, but her voice annoys me so I'm not posting it.)

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