fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
This is my front page. If you want me to add you, drop me a line here. Or, add me. Either way, I'll check you out. You can also drop me a line here if, for instance, you don't have my email address. All comments here are screened.

This post also includes every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my phone. I chose this style because, as bare-bones as it is, it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my LJ -- is for.
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
About five years ago, the Mormon Church spent over twenty million dollars in my state in an effort to ban same sex marriage. A lot of this money came from out of state, i.e. from Utah. At the time, I said some harsh things about the people in my state who supported the ban, as well as some harsh things about Utah. "Taking a giant shit on my state's constitution" might have been one of the phrases I used.

And now, those horrible ebil gay people are getting married in the Mormon Church's own backyard. I realize that for some members of this church, it feels like your world is ending, so some tact and delicacy is called for here.

With that in mind, SUCK IT, JOSEPH SMITH! I hope Hell came into existence just long enough to welcome you in, and I hope it involves elements of the theater scenes from A Clockwork Orange, as well as lots of gay porn.

Sorry. That was mean. Have some pie.
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
See this movie (NSFW!)?

It's aimed at the straight porn-addicted market. The sequel will be aimed at the gay male porn-addicted market. It will include a character named "Phil-'im-up Robertson," and the first scene will show him saying offensive things about gay people, but a few hours later he'll be thinking of hot guys and vigorously massaging his own prostate with a duck call. In at least one subsequent scene, he'll take two dicks in his ass at once. Two dicks and a duck call, if he's really ambitious.

Now, I should point out that I'm straight (mostly), and that my interest in porn is minimal -- a lingering side-effect of having done web design work in that field. That said, if this porno ever comes out for real, I will buy it.
fierynotes: Picture of Hotstreak, from the cartoon Static Shock.  He looks annoyed. (annoyed)
Okay, kids, let's gather 'round the campfire. I'm going to tell you a spooooooky story.

Once upon this time, there were these two camp counselors, named Ace and Gary. They were both full of football, red meat, and passion for their wives, and they loved the little tykes in their care. Anyway, they were at summer camp with a bunch of kids, about to dress up for Halloween...

What? No one trick or treats in the summer? Um. This is in the little town of Gravity Falls, so it's actually Summerween. But they still dress up and collect candy, so my point stands. (Whew.)

Anyway, the little kids were all dressed up as cute, adorable little vampires, ghosts, frankenstein monsters, and whatnot. Gary was dressed up as a seventies cop -- Ponch or Jon, I forget which -- and was just putting on the finishing touch: a seventies wig.

But! Little did he know that the seventies wig he put on was CURSED! Strange unfamiliar desires came over him, and before he knew it, he was undoing Ace's pants with his teeth and sucking his dick! Aaaaaaaaaah!

(This spoooooooky story was brought to you by an overactive imagination, an unhealthy dose of sarcasm, and exposure to this unlikely artifact.)

Item #: SCP-1069

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1069 is currently stored at Warehouse [redacted], with appropriate warnings of its effects. No further containment is necessary.

Description: SCP-1069 is a wig mimicking a common men's hairstyle in the seventies. Its only anomalous feature is creating strong homosexual desires in adult men who try it on. In other tests (see Log 1069-217-███), it creates compulsive fear of catching cooties from same-sex peers in underage tests subjects. No further testing is authorized.

Dear Amazon,

A gay wig? Really?

[personal profile] fierynotes
fierynotes: Picture of Hotstreak, from the cartoon Static Shock.  He looks annoyed. (annoyed)
So, Orson Scott Card has released a statement lately, about that movie coming out.

" Ender’s Game is set more than a century in the future and has nothing to do with political issues that did not exist when the book was written in 1984.

"With the recent Supreme Court ruling, the gay marriage issue becomes moot. The Full Faith and Credit clause of the Constitution will, sooner or later, give legal force in every state to any marriage contract recognized by any other state.

"Now it will be interesting to see whether the victorious proponents of gay marriage will show tolerance toward those who disagreed with them when the issue was still in dispute."

"Tolerance," eh? I wonder what he means by "tolerance?"

"Laws against homosexual behavior should remain on the books, not to be indiscriminately enforced against anyone who happens to be caught violating them, but to be used when necessary to send a clear message that those who flagrantly violate society's regulation of sexual behavior cannot be permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens within that society. The goal of the polity is not to put homosexuals in jail. The goal is to discourage people from engaging in homosexual practices in the first place, and, when they nevertheless proceed in their homosexual behavior, to encourage them to do so discreetly, so as not to shake the confidence of the community in the polity's ability to provide rules for safe, stable, dependable marriage and family relationships."

Okay, if that's the level of "tolerance" he's asking for, I find I can live with that. I can be far more magnanimous than that, really! With that in mind...

Go eat a dick, Orson. I'll consider seeing your movie when you're dead and therefore can't funnel your profits from it into promoting hateful causes.
fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
Those of you with great solemn reverence for the classics may with to avoid this fic. It starts off horrible -- the title is Latin for "Cicero sucks me off" -- and promptly drives off several cliffs. Many thanks to the person who sent me the link (if they want credit for it).

(My Latin grammar is really questionable, but I think my title says "I will die and be consumed by fire because I laughed.")

I Saw Porno

Apr. 1st, 2013 09:41 am
fierynotes: Picture of Tarvek, from Girl Genius, facepalming. (facepalm)
For a few years, every time a Saw movie came out, I'd get drunk and watch it. Then, I'd type up a review of it. I watched these movies mostly because I have friends who enjoyed watching me tear them to pieces, and I got drunk first because mental impairment goes a long way toward making those movies genuinely scary. It was either that, or a head injury, and alcohol is temporary, right?

Well, there's been yet another attempt to cash in further on the franchise, and this time, there ain't enough alcohol in the world to make me watch it.

The DVD cover is under this cut. NSFW: contains sausage. )

Nothing against gay porn, mind, but one: I'm straight. Two: on the occasions when I bend the definition of "straight" a little, I favor guys who actually look like grown-ups. (Long hair helps, too -- I grew up in the eighties.) Three: even if I were a little gayer and into the barely-legal-age, this porn is a lot freakier than I care to be, or watch.

I Saw Porno
is part of a series on
Shit Sandwiches
The Movies:
Saw ISaw IISaw IIISaw IVSaw VSaw VISaw 3D

Other Comments:
I Saw BunniesSaw Home AloneSaw in 15 secondsI Saw Porno (NSFW)
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
That's Not an Acceptable Form of Lube: a celebration of all the bad choices of lube that make it into fanfic. My favorite one was this one (Warning: unbelievably gross). It inspired me a bit, since that one appeared in a Sweeney Todd fic...

Cut because OMFGross. )

I should add, in all fairness, that the variety of stuff that gets misused as lube in real life is also a little disturbing. In one section of his Sex Tips for Slash Writers, Minotaur came up with a list... (NSFW, squicky).
fierynotes: Picture of Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, from Girl Genius.  He looks tired. (tired)
(None of these links actually contain porn, but I still wouldn't click them at work.)

First, a whole bunch of women in porn, with and without makeup. While there are a few who are covering up some rather worrying conditions, for the most part they look like, well, any other woman you'd meet on the street, in a grocery store, at the DMV, or anywhere else. If you care to point out that any one of the women (or men) around you could be in porn and you'd never know it, that's a fair observation. (I've sold at least three cameras to people who were going to film themselves professionally, and at the time, they all looked like everyday people. Some very interesting and fun conversations came with each of these sales...) If you care to point out that such widespread use of makeup implies some troubling things about our beauty standards, that's also a fair observation.

Second, a little over a month ago, this guy in porn killed himself. By all accounts, he was a good guy, loved as well as lusted after, and worked as a chemical engineer before getting into porn, which is to say that he had a brain and could have stayed in a nice "respectable" job but chose to go into porn because he genuinely enjoyed it. Looks, brains, a fulfilling career... and yet, depression hurt him just as much as it hurts some of the rest of us. (I found out about this guy because I've been trying to be more honest with my friends about how I occasionally have to fight off the urge to off myself. Then, one of them saw that this porn star he liked had killed himself, remembered that I fight depression occasionally... and has been worrying about me entirely too much.)

Finally, another suicide, this one shedding light on how marriage equality is actually a serious issue. (I found this one by accident, by googling "gay porn suicide" because I didn't remember Arpad Miklos' name. It illustrates that a porn actor is still a normal human being, though, so I'm including it in this post.)

(Suicide among performers is, sadly, not all that rare. Unfortunately, the best link I can dig up at the moment is Pink Cross Foundation, a faith-based organization which seems to hate performers -- ahem, sorry, they don't hate the sinners, they just hate the sin -- until they either quit or die, at which point they become heroic survivors or tragic victims. Google it if you're interested; I refuse to give them hits.)
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, looking very pissed off. (violent)
Dear Chris Culliver,

Gay players should stay in the closet ten years after retiring from football? REALLY?

I realize that it's too much to hope that Chris Kluwe kicks you in the nuts, but I hope that several of your team-mates are gay, I hope that they all admire the hell out of your ass, I hope they all tell you so after they're not playing with you anymore, and I hope that this happens soon.

[personal profile] fierynotes

PS: The title is partly in jest. The rest of the 49ers are apparently much better than Culliver on this issue.
fierynotes: Picture of Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, from Girl Genius.  He looks tired. (tired)
“The last straw for God before He brought the flood was when they started writing wedding songs to homosexual marriage and Jesus said that you’ll know the end times because it will be like the days of Noah. There’s never been a time in the history of the world since before the flood when homosexual marriage has been open and celebrated, and that’s another sign that I believe that we’re close to the end."

So sayeth Scott Lively, whose other claims to fame include meeting with Uganda over "the Gay Agenda," and then trying to act surprised when laws come out of it that include the death penalty for being gay.

But yeah. Gay marriage caused The Great Flood.

I was born in the wrong decade to properly appreciate them, but I thnk I'll blast The Who anyway. It's the most appropriate music I can think of, as I doubt any Gay Men's Chorus anywhere has done a version of "Goin' to the Chapel" or anything like that. (Googles, grins evilly.) Oh, wait...! And while I'm at it, another song about rain, this one from my own decade...

In more cheerful news, Chris Kluwe, the football player who is confident in his heterosexuality and equally confident that gay marriage won't turn straight preacher-men into lustful cockmonsters, was on Colbert. And the phrase "lustful cockmonster" goes into even wider circulation. I approve.

Over the past few months, I've send this (and other singing devil puppet videos like it) to friends on their birthdays (when I remembered, and to be frank, I'm kinda bad at that and I'm sorry if I missed you). So, lately, I caught a cold, and one of them remembered!

fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
What are little girls made of?
Sugar, spice, and everything nice.
That's what little girls are made of.

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails and puppy-dog tails.
That's what little boys are made of.

What are tigers made of?
Dragonflys and katydids, but mostly chewed-up little kids.
That's what tigers are made of.

What are demons made of?
Sulfur flames, molten glass, and penises in gay male ass.
That's what demons are made of.

(I wish I were kidding when I say that some people apparently believe this shit.)
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
Certain passwords and PINs are very predictable, depending on the person. Myself, I have to exercise some restraint to refrain from using 3141, 2718, or 1618 as PINs -- sure, they're easy to remember, but anyone who knows I was a math nerd in High School can guess these. In vaguely related news, I'd guess that one of the WBC douchewhistles has just lately learned that "godhatesfags" is too easy a password to guess. It seems that @DearShirley isn't feeling herself at the moment...

(I've gone back through the twitter feed in question to about December 1. It appears that up until lately, this really was a WBC twitter feed. Or, to put it another way, it looks like this is a personal prank on Shirley Phelps, as opposed to a media prank on all of us. Anyway, Anonymous has declared war on them, which will no doubt be very fun to watch.)

So far, the prankster who did this doesn't appear to have done much with the feed after having successfully stolen it. Personally, if I'd done this hack, I would be scouring the internet for pictures of ladies kissing other ladies and dudes kissing other dudes to tweetpic, and I'm sure that the internet would eagerly supply them and has only been waiting for the day I'd ask for those kinds of photos. And videos. And more videos.
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
Lately, in a few difference conversations, it's come up that despite having both male and female partners, I identify as straight. Why is that? It can't be denial, since I'm not exactly shy about it...

Well, I have some reasons for that. I'll start with the most frivolous reason (which I'm hiding behind a cut), and I'll progress to the serious ones from there. Keep in mind that I'm a straight white dude talking about privilege, so I may get things wrong. Feel free to say so. Keep it within reason, though: winterfoxes¹ risk being laughed at, flamed, and/or banned, at my discretion.

Firstly, it's a practical and personal thing. )

Secondly, most people have the occasional impulse, even if they never act on it. If you're a straight man who looks at someone like, say, Brad Pitt and gets tingly, that doesn't make you any less straight -- it just means that he's Brad bloody Pitt, and you're not blind. Likewise if you're a straight woman who gets tingly at the sight of Christina Hendricks. And what if you end up meeting your particular Brad Pitt or Christina Hendricks and stuff actually happens? According to the excellent book The Guide to Getting it On, you've got plenty of company: 20%, in fact. (That oft-quoted 10% figure is a bit of an overgeneralization -- the actual figure ranges between 4% and 20%, depending on just what you're talking about.)

And finally, here's my most serious point. Let's pretend, for a moment, that I'm a white dude going on a trip to China. (I know this sounds like a complete digression, but I'm going somewhere with this, so bear with me.) I learn the language -- no mean feat, since the word "ma" can mean mother, hemp, scold, horse, or a question marker, depending on inflection. I develop an appreciation for the food. I learn the history. I make friends I'll keep for the rest of my life, and even have lovers. The fact remains that I am not Chinese, and that as much as I will forever treasure my experiences in China, I can still go back home afterward.

Things like Tiananmen Square, Foxconn scandals, and Google blockages are not part of my history. I have strong feelings on these because I am a decent human being, but they do not affect me personally. And for me to claim that these things do affect me personally is a bit insulting to actual Chinese people. I am still, let's be honest, a tourist. And as much as I love China and its culture and its people, all I can ever really be is a tourist.

(In a past post (here on LJ, here on DW), I have spoken harshly about certain kinds of tourists. The difference is that I am a respectful tourist.)

By the same token, Stonewall, Ryan Shepherd, Proposition 8, and the WBC are not part of my history. Again, I have strong feelings on these because I'm a decent human being, but I have no claim on them, and they do not affect me directly. The fact that I occasionally visit Biville doesn't make me bi -- once my visit there is concluded, my real home is in Heterotopolis, which is much safer. And since I am privileged to live in nice safe Heterotopolis, one of my obligations is to realize how much less safe it is to actually live in Biville, Gayville, or a Trans station, or some other lesser-known 'burb. I shouldn't be pretending I live in Biville; I should be working in Heterotopolis, and talking to other heteros about how unjust it is that these other places are less safe than where we live, and shouldn't we try to make those places safer even if we don't live there ourselves?

This is why I won't wear the queer label. And by the same token, this is why I snort derisively when I see unmarginalized people try to stretch the queer label completely out of shape so that they can wear it, or invent new labels that they try to put on the same level as the queer label. "Demisexual?" Really?

    1. 1. Winterfox, v, to use the umbrella of social justice as license to be a fuming asshole, frequently using the whole premise of "tone argument" to justify no end of abusive behavior. 2. Winterfox, n, a person who frequently engages in Winterfoxing. While some Winterfoxes are solitary predators, many Winterfoxes are pack animals.

Heh heh.

Sep. 25th, 2012 01:39 pm
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
I just google-image-searched "ryan gosling shirtless winking," and I suspect hundreds of people have done so lately, if not thousands. Oddly, while Google had no trouble finding images of Ryan Gosling without a shirt, it's not so accommodating on the winking part. (And yes, I said "winking." With an I.) I think Ryan Gosling needs to fix that. He clearly has no problem with being photographed without a shirt -- he should throw up a shirtless photo with a wink. And he could write on it, too -- "To Ricky, my biggest fan!"

I solemnly swear that this seemingly random post makes sense in context.
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
(I was inspired by a lady who was talking about crossovers in her own LJ, and while she wanted to cross a couple of these streams herself, she and I went in different directions. I'm not going to attempt to write this. If anyone wants this idea, take it -- it's yours. I ask only that you write it well, and link me to the finished work.)

Once upon a time, there was a con artist named Neal. In addition to being a gifted con artist and forger, he was very good-looking. Women fainted in his presence. Gay men fainted in his presence. Straight men took one look at him and said to themselves, "women, what women?" and then, as they turned gay from momentary exposure to him, fainted in his presence. Okay, I exaggerate, but the dude was hot. You've seen him, haven't you?

Well, a year ago, he tried to take down a drug dealer. To do so, he applied for a job at a strip joint where one of the dealer's distributors was working part-time as a DJ. To complicate matters, he did what no con artist should do in the middle of a con: he fell in love. One of his fellow strippers, Richie, was a beautiful person inside and out, and it didn't hurt that he had a huge cock. (Richie was also a werewolf. This comes up later.)

The con goes wrong. Very wrong. Neal skips town, leaving Richie (who's understandably hurt, and very angry because he's missing half the facts), and trying to find help... which brings us to the bar where he meets Nathan Ford.

After many complications (Eliot will no doubt get into a huge fight with Richie, hopefully not during the full moon), and many other crossover twists (Sophie ended up pretending to be a total self-centered whackjob for purposes of conning some other guy with a huge cock in the UK a few years ago, and I'm sure with enough twisting, this can be made relevant to the plot), the drug cartel gets taken down, Neal apologizes to Richie, the misunderstanding is all cleared up and they still love each other, and the story ends with teh hawt ghay buttsexxors, because this is a crack-filled slashfic, and that's how all crack-filled slashfics end.


Aug. 29th, 2012 09:41 am
fierynotes: Picture of Tarvek, from Girl Genius, facepalming. (facepalm)
August 25, for those of you unfamiliar, is Nickolaus Pacione day. And I missed it!

Nickolaus Pacione, or Nicky the Wondergoth as he's also known, is a really awful horror writer. He's also a nasty individual, with virulent homophobia being just one of his awful qualities. Anyway, for those of us who are fond of unnecessary holidays like Talk Like a Pirate Day, August 25 was dedicated to him.

Unfortunately, the Livejournal entry in which this holoiday was first conceived is now locked, and I don't remember how we're supposed to observe this holiday. My first guess is that I should swear a lot, and every sixth word out of my mouth should be "fag." My second guess is that I should call up a couple of, ahem, very close male friends and do things with them that would get Nicky-boy to call me "fag." I think the theory for this latter idea is that enough gay sex happens, Nicky-boy's head will explode à la Scanners.

In either case, however I should have observed that holiday, I missed it. Oh, well. Maybe next year.
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
Once, Bill O'Reilly said "I want to go to a gay bathhouse!" In another couple of days, he may not only get his chance, but he may be able to do it for free! I wonder if he'll see any familiar faces there?

The Tampa M4M Casual section of Craigslist is already rumbling, and will likely explode in a few days. When it does, I hope the explosion takes out a few closets. I generally don't think that a public figure's sex life is any of my business, any more than my sex life is any of theirs, but if any old white male member of the "family values" crowd gets caught with a dick in his mouth, I want it plastered all over the internet.

Last RNC, a friend emailed me, telling me I had a stunt double there (NSFW!). I wonder if he'll attend this one. I find I'm hoping he does.

(Hat tip to [personal profile] ms_daisy_cutter for the links.)

And hey, even if there's no gay cruising there, there will be plenty of other family fun available in Tampa!

fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
I'm barely on the outermost edge of the Queer Demographic (i.e. the target demographic for this video), so the characters I was most interested in are Jasmine and Alice (and the Disney Princesses behind them), and they're obviously more interested in each other. (It doesn't count as being "interested" in Tarzan if my reaction to him wasn't "I want him" so much as "I plan to look like him in a couple more years.") I hate the music, and I'd hate it even if it weren't heavy on the references to that asshole who beat the hell out of Rhianna and that bint who thinks that a hot girl kissing another hot girl is somehow daring. That said, the music is well-performed, all the singers who do Katy Perry lines are better singers than Katy Perry, the choreography is better than I feel qualified to judge, the video is overall awesome (if a bit sugary), and if Walt were alive to see it, it would no doubt kill him. And the cameo by Lance Bass was a nice touch.

(Hat tip to [ profile] drave117 for the link.)
fierynotes: Picture of Arsenal, from DC comics, who clearly sees something he likes. (leers)
It seems that Anderson Cooper is gay. Well, he always has been, but now it's official.

I can't say I'm surprised. Being mostly straight, I had to buy my gaydar unit on the black market (it was Army Surplus originally), and the damn thing doesn't work half the time... and despite being a piece of junk, it still lit up when I saw Anderson Cooper on TV. Still, his announcement drags the window a little closer to that day when sexual orientation is no big deal, and anyone who has a problem with gay people gets told, not by some people but by society as a whole, that they need to grow the hell up.

Here's to you, Mr. Cooper. I wish you much continued success in your career and as many hot guys who appreciate silver foxes as you want.


fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)


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