fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
This is my front page. If you want me to add you, drop me a line here. Or, add me. Either way, I'll check you out. You can also drop me a line here if, for instance, you don't have my email address. All comments here are screened.

This post also includes every tag I have -- this is because my current LJ style doesn't include a tag index. (At least half of my participation on LJ is on my phone. I chose this style because, as bare-bones as it is, it loads quickly and it's still readable on a small screen.)

I'd tell you more about myself, but that's what my profile -- and the rest of my LJ -- is for.
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
Yesterday, I went to a concert at the Oakland Metro Operahouse, a nice little dive in downtown Oakland. Really, it's a dive. And the sound is not that great there. And the men's bathrooms have big-ass spikes in the stalls, and toilet paper rolls are hanging off them because no one actually puts toilet paper rolls on the dispensers.

Oddly, I liked the place a lot. Anyway, here's who I heard...

Necronomicon: I looked them up on YouTube before the show, and expected a German 90s-era thrash band. Instead, we got a Canadian death-or-black metal band that was completely indistinguishable from a million other death-or-black metal bands. It's not my fault that there are like five bands named Necronomicon. Anyway, this one has been around for twenty-five years. I've never heard of them before now.

Hour of Penance... didn't make it. Visa problems. I was joking with friends about how they ended up on a US terrorist watchlist because their most recent album was titled "Regicide." Instead, we got...

Back Crown Initiate: really good stuff, and rewards repeated listens. It's complex and chewy, and they have a pretty wide variety of feels and textures in their music. This was my first exposure to them. I plan on hearing more. They need a much better venue for their music -- the sound in this place worked against them.

Fleshgod Apocalypse: the show I cracked a rib at last year. This time, I got off easy: a few bruises, and if I must touch my nose at all, I do it gingerly. (It's not broken or anything.) As before, the band hired a very vocally gifted lady to handle the soprano lines, because their bass guitarist can only go up to about G5 in a slightly cartoonish falsetto, but there are lines that require vocals reaching up past C6. She was wearing a mask and a black billowy dress. The rest of the band looked like they had once been wearing tuxes at an opera, but the opera house burned down.

At the end of their set, after looking all menacing and evil, they came back on stage, all the house lights came on... and it turned out that under her own layer of menace and without the mask, the soprano was clearly tickled pink to be there. It was a startling transformation, from "scary ghostly operatic phantom" to "freaking adorable." (The other band members were also clearly happy to be there at the end, but it wasn't such a huge change in character.)

Septic Flesh... well, they have certain technical challenges, owing to the fact that they didn't bring an orchestra with them, and at this point, their music can't really be played without it, without eing horribly diminished. So, all the orchestral stuff isn't live, and the musicians are playing along with it. The way I think that works is that the drummer is either triggering the playback, or he's got a click-track going off in his ear or as a visual cue. This doesn't quite work if the song starts off with bare guitars and the rest of the band (and orchestra) pipes in several measures later (the song "Anubis," for instance), so I suspect that in moments like this, the first few guitar lines are also prerecorded. (Both guitarists started many of their songs with their backs to the audience, turning around once the song really got started, which doesn't exactly prove me wrong.)

Let me make it clear that this does not diminish my respect for the band. You don't go to a Septic Flesh show expecting instrumental mastery; indeed, any second-year guitar student can play their stuff. (Their drumlines are a different matter entirely.) That's not the point. The point is that their music is very well-written, and a hell of a lot of fun to get into a moshpit with.

It would have been nice if there were more people there. This was the saddest crowd I've seen in some time. Not that I blame them: I managed an extra-long July 4th weekend only by submitting my vacation request over a month ahead of time. Still, it was a great show. And I have two souvenirs. Gods help me, for the first time in years, I actually have T-shirts announcing to the world that I listen to earsplitting noise for fun...
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
A series of animated .gifs has been going around Tumblr. I just had to go find the scene:

I didn't have any success with a scene in which an alien androgyne asks Riker to describe his sexual organs to her¹, which was amusingly awkward for Riker, but if I'd found that, I would have posted it, too. As it is, I just have aliens trying root beer.

(My use of the pronoun "her," above, is not misgendering. The being in question was actually female, though she had to hide it from the rest of her species (her species stigmatized its small handful of "male" and "female" members), and eventually her brain was "corrected." This episode was really good -- not only was it a scathing commentary, but it had a conventional leading man falling in love with a being that would be at an unconventional point of the gender spectrum if they were human, and it was depicted positively. I consider this both a social good in and of itself, and a delightful way to piss off certain kinds of assholes.)
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
So, a friend of mine sent me a link to a porno, and I'm about to post it without laughing at it, mocking it, or savaging it. This is a rare thing for me! Before I do so, I'd like to thank [Martin] (I've mentioned him occasionally here), who saw it and immediately thought of me. I'd also like to thank Priminho (whoever they are) for mistagging at as gay, as [Martin] would probably not have found it otherwise.

NSFW (contains beef, sausage, and fish¹)!!!

By conventional straight porno standards, this video fails, because one does not cast men that look like this in straight porn, nor does one devote so much screen time to such a man if he gets cast by mistake. After all, straight guys watching porn don't want to see that -- what are they, queer or something? By gay porno standards, this video fails, because while the guy is certainly worthy of attention, there's a hot and nimble naked woman in it, and some gay guys are very vocal about having panic attacks at the very sight of vag (*cough*tigerwolf*cough*). In addition, there's no money shot at the end, and the pacing is deliberately, almost agonizingly slow.

All that said, I enjoyed this clip very much, and have much respect for the performers and the director for trying to make something cool and different. I hope for many sequels. Maybe one in which the man takes his turn lavishing attention on his female costar...!

    1. "Fish" is a slang term used by gay men, referring to vaginas and their owners. It's rude. Don't use it. The only reason I used it here is because there are two other meat references in the same sentence.

fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)
A lot of medical videos, to be exact. Some of the videos I've been watching, like lectures on Arterial Blood Gas collection, are really of interest only to vampires. Some of the videos I've been watching, like cyst and zit lancings, are just amusingly gross.

And one video (NSFW, contains beef and sausage) is ostensibly on choking and what to do about it, but one of the lecturers decided that if she was going to demonstrate things like the Heimlich maneuver on a live model, she was going to get one who looks good naked. It's a completely gratuitous display of nudity that no one can complain about because it's a medical lecture... and because my f-list is heavy on the ladies (and a few men who'll also appreciate it), I'm sharing it.

(I tried wiling away my lunch hour with the video game Candy Crush, but got sick of it in short order. As pretty as it was, it was murder on my phone's battery, it nagged me for money too often, it nagged me to join FaceBook too often, and after a while, it decided that I could only play once every twenty minutes unless I wanted to pony up money for it... at which point, I decided I'd rather go on YouTube. Or hell, read a book.)
fierynotes: Picture of Daimon, from Marvel comics, without a shirt.  'Look at me, I have muscles!' (flirty)

One of these days, when I have tons of free time (yeah, that's gonna happen any time soon!), I'm going to write the new James Bond novel. The main villain is going to be named "Perfidious Snatch."

(Icon choice because I did way too many weighted crunches a couple of days ago, and this video reminded me of that fact. Rather painfully.)
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
One of these days, I really need to weed a few things out of my YouTube subscriptions.

Andy Rehfeldt will not be one of them. He's awesome.

There's this band called Carcass, who were one of the big players in the grindcore scene back in the day. The differed from most grindcore in that there was a certain sly humor to their music, and you needed a fuckin' medical dictionary to figure out half of the lyrics. Anyway, here is a live performance by Carcass, and here is what Andy Rehfeldt did to it! Carcass, Radio Disney-fied! It's fantastic! I'm picturing him as an evil Doctor Doofenschmirtz, with a new invention called a Radio Disney-inator, and no platypus to stop him!

I've said it before: you need to have a sense of humor about music if one of your favorite genres is perceived as noise by most people.
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
Have you seen this video?

The video is hidden under a cut because the preview image is a pair of tits. Aside from bordering on NSFW, it's not exactly a clear representation of the subject of the guy speaking in the video. )

It's a character named Dan Cardamon, who is a complete MRA, PUA, EP, and DB. He's a character created to mock certain attitudes that are common in those groups, and the actor playing him ought to be applauded: from the disdain in every word, to the fedora, his performance is pitch-perfect. It's hilarious... and kinda depressing.

I don't normally recommend looking in YouTube comments, but the comments in this video are full of lolz and butthurt, and no doubt the lolz and butthurt are growing by the hour. I haven't seen this level of butthurt in response to obvious humor since Paul Elam over at AVfM decided that the tweet "kill all men hail satan" was hate speech against men!

...but feminists are the ones who don't have a sense of humor, amirite?
fierynotes: Picture of Hotstreak, from the cartoon Static Shock.  He looks annoyed. (annoyed)
As seen elsewhere on my friendslist: "It's Too Damn Big." Note that I'm not suggesting you watch this, and in fact I could only manage about forty seconds myself (and half of that on mute). Sadly, not all gay musicians are Tchaikovsky or Michael Tilson Thomas, or even Rob Halford or Pansy Division -- some of them are annoying synth-pounding twits. (To be fair, though, not all straight musicians are Mozart, either.) But the real irritation is one Jonah Falcon, a man who has in his favor a very large penis, a certain level of media clout... and absolutely nothing else. This music video is apparently the latest step in his quest to make sure the whole world knows he's packing over a foot.

This is hardly new territory. There are lots of really bad songs where the guy is bragging about his dick, so I shouldn't be surprised that Falcon went there. It was inevitable, I suppose. This is, after all, the guy who decided in July of last year to call Huffington Post and say "my penis was so big it got me frisked by Homeland Security." And Huffington Post, for some reason, considered that a news story.

Gods help us if he wins the lottery. He'd take over hundreds of billboards. Hell, he'd run radio spots. "I'm Jonah Falcon, I have a gigantic penis, and I approve this message." No, really, that's the whole message.

Ah, well, it could be worse. He could read Heinlein's The Man Who Sold the Moon, and decide that instead of spraying the surface of the moon with graphite powder in the shape of a soft drink logo, he could graffiti the moon to tell the world how big his dick is.

Hell, if he ever gets access to a TARDIS and a Red Dwarf novel, he might decide to go back in time and supernova a whole bunch of stars, making it so that everyone who sees the night sky sees the words "Jonah Falcon is hung like a donkey" spelled out in exploded stars. He'd obviously have to steal the TARDIS, as he's not really interesting enough for the Doctor to choose him as a companion, and the Doctor would never let him blow up a few dozen (possibly-inhabited) suns.

Not that I have anything against big dicks. Hell, I have one,¹ though I'm not in Falcon's league.² But guys, however big your gear is, chances are there's at least one plastic toy bigger than you, so it behooves you to be more interesting than the plastic.

(If I ever meet Jonah Falcon and conclude that he's actually interesting, I reserve the right to retract some or all of my statements about him. For what it's worth, though, I've seen him in certain spaces for online discussions, and he's struck me as a guy who plays the "I have a huge dick card" every chance he gets, because it's the only card he has. It's a perverse twist on how if the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.)

    1. Unless I'm lying. This is the internet, after all.³

    2. If I'm lying, I've obviously learned to keep my lies credible.

    3. Okay, this running joke has been fun, but I should probably give it a rest.

fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
This video is sorta worksafe, aside from some colorful language.

You can find about a half-hour of the lemon party (no, not that lemon party!) that follows this intro here (NSFW). But honestly, just watch the intro. The actual porn is nowhere near as much fun. Honestly, if you thought getting lemon juice in you eye hurt...!
fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
Honestly in advertizing.

Rowan Atkinson, cooking, and classical music. Also by Atkinson... welcome to Hell.

And an old classic: what happens when you throw a brick in a washing machine?

fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
On the show Phineas and Ferb, Ferb doesn't get many lines... but the lines he gets are fantastic!

Oh, noes! Dan Savage broke Stephen Colbert!

Best. Ad. Ever.

fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
(For this post, you'll either want to hook your computer up to your stereo receiver, or plug in some good headphones or speakers with a sub. A lot of the songs linked in this post are going to sound terrible through, say, a laptop's tiny little built-in speakers. This post is about the extreme deep end of metal, so depending on your tastes, the songs may sound terrible even through good speakers... but I digress.)

Check this out!

For those of you who aren't musicians, the note E2 (see below) is the low note on a six-string guitar in standard tuning. The note B1 is the low note on a seven-string guitar in standard tuning. The note F#1 is the low note on an eight-string guitar, and though there isn't really a standard tuning for eight-strings, this is the most common.

(Those of you who are guitarists: yes, I know you write guitar music an octave high. Many non-guitarists don't know that, though, so I wrote the notes at sounding pitch, not written pitch.)

I totally get the appeal of eight-string guitars. A power chord on a six-string hits you in the chest, a power chord on a seven-string hits you in the gut, and it therefore follows that a power chord on an eight-string should hit you, well, somewhere lower. I kinda want one myself. There's a problem with them, though: you need to rethink all of your gear before you get an eight-string.

Devin Townsend gets away with some very low notes, but he's got a ton of gear to make them work. Likewise Ihsahn. Meshuggah as well, but their dirty little not-so-secret is they use less distortion. (They may use a ton of gear as well. I don't know.)

If you try to plug an eight-string guitar into, say, a hundred-dollar stompbox and a regular amp, it's going to sound terrible. Even if you don't have the cheap gear that most starting bands get, the eight-string guitar is an ugly beast. I listened to one of Deathmøle's songs that was recorded with an eight-string, and while he's a competent guitarist, his crunchy sound is fuckin' awful.

(In all fairness, I should admit that I may change my mind on this. Back when I first heard Meshuggah's Chaosphere, I thought it was noise. It has grown on me a lot in the time since. This may, too. This change in perception isn't limited to metal: an operatic soprano is one of the most beautiful sounds on Earth... but most people will hear godawful screeching the first time they listen to one. They'll only discover how beautiful the sound is later, if at all.)
fierynotes: Picture of Discord. (discord)
"Hi, I'm Giada de Laurentiis! In a bid to improve my presence on the internet, I've decided to start having guests from popular YouTube shows. Today, my very first guest is the Annoying Orange! Now, where did I put my zester...?"

I'm joking, of course. Seriously. We all know Giada would NEVER misplace her zester -- she uses the damned thing at least three times per episode.

But seriously, I can't be the only one who'd like to see the Annoying Orange being flayed alive by Giada the Cruel, can I?

(Edted to add...)

"For my second episode, I tried to invite Onision, but he declined. I guess I'm much too old for him..."
fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
"I'd like to thank the internet -- Google in particular -- for making it possible for me to write this song, and the Academy -- Seth MacFarlane in particular -- for making it necessary."

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
In the movie that we saw, we saw your peen.

Kevin Bacon, we saw your peen in "Wild Things."
Vincent Gallo, we saw yours in "The Brown Bunny."
Jason Segel, we saw yours in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall,"
in a break-up scene that was painful but sorta funny.
Jason Mewes in "Zack and Miri Make! A! Por! No!"
Richard Gere in "American Gigolooooo!"
Sacha Baron Cohen in "Borat," M.C.Gainey in "Sideways,"
But have we seen Tom Cruise' peen? Noooo!

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
In the movie that we saw, we saw your peen.

Bruce Willis, we saw your peen in "The Color of Night."
Jason Biggs, we saw yours in "American Reunion."
Russell Crowe, we almost saw yours in "Hammers Over the Anvil."
Tom Hardy, we got to see yours in "Bronson."
Harvey Keitel was naked in "Bad! Lieu! Ten! Ant!"
Jaye Davidson in "The Crying Gaaaaaame!"
Mark Ruffalo in "In the Cut," Michael Fassbender in "Shame,"
Ewan McGregor, we saw your peen in "Velvet Goldmine."
...and "Trainspotting."
...and "The Pillow Book."
...and "Young Adam."
...and whatever you're shooting right now.

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles!

We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
We saw your peen. We saw your peen.
Peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen, peen...
We saaaaaw! yooooour! peeeeeeeeen!
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
Consistency of theme and mood is not one of the things you'll find in my LJ. I am perfectly happy, for instance, to follow a post on higher mathematics with a post on shock sites -- in fact, I've written one post that combines the two (here on LJ, here on DW). So, I'm following a post with a heartbreaking song with... well, a guy farting into a trumpet. In fact, his whole channel on YouTube is devoted to farting.

I quote the description of the video: "Here I am playing the trumpet with my butt. Human farts are actually perfect for butt trumpet playing. My embouchure is a little weak. The trumpet has been up in the attic for a few years, but I got it out to rip a few in the low and mid registers"

"...My embouchure is a little weak."


"...My embouchure is a little weak."

Those of you who don't play brass or winds will just have to take my word for it when I say that this is fucking hilarious. Or you could look up embouchure yourself, and (mis)apply it to this particular context...
fierynotes: Picture of a B diminished 7th chord (B, D, F, A flat) followed by an inversion, in flames. (Bdim7)
I may have mentioned here and there that I hate Amanda Palmer?

It's partly her attention whoring. Well, most performers are attention whores to one extent or another, it kinda comes with the territory... it's that she's such a crass attention whore. But partly, it's because she's a very good musician, and therefore shouldn't need to be a crass attention whore. I could understand it when GG Allin (for all the Gods' sakes, don't click that, at work or anywhere!) played with shit on stage, or bragged about having had sex with his brother or his dog -- GG Allin had all the musical competence of a rabid wolverine with three paws caught in two steel jaw traps, so being a spectacle was really the only option he had. AFP is better than that. She can actually write a song that can tear your heart out. Case in point:

fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)
My cold has asked me for a rematch, so I'm watching more TV on my computer lately.

Adventure Time: I am really torn on this show. On the one hand, it's a really adorable show with a really bleak backdrop: there's UXO in the opening credits, and occasionally, the Earth is shown with a big chunk blown out of it. There are a few random moments of brilliance in this show, but they're small islands in a vast sea of stupid. One friend of mine insists that this show is about a hopelessly insane, disfigured mutant kid and his hallucinations, which is... well, pretty horrific for a cartoon. I still can't get into it. I tried.

Tales from the Crypt: If a horror series consistently fails to scare you but makes you giggle regularly, is it still good? This show is kinda awful, but I like it. Even if it's, ahem, problematic. Even if the writing is cheesy. Even if the crypt-keeper regularly assaults the viewer with puns so bad even Spider Robinson would boo and hiss -- in fact, I think I like the crypt-keeper more than I like the rest of the show. And judging from YouTube, I'm not alone.

Babylon 5: One of the drawbacks of not owning a TV is that I miss out on some very good shows, sometimes for years. This one is terrific -- and I've only finished the first season (and am told by friends that I'm in for a really wild ride). Characters with depth, diversity among humans instead of monoculture, aliens which are actually alien (with alien cultures and alien beliefs)... I know I'm being unfair to Star Trek when I say this, because Star Trek was a product of its time, but Babylon 5 succeeds where Star Trek failed. I haven't had my feelings for a franchise shaken this badly since Doc Smith destroyed most of my enjoyment of Star Wars.

South Park: I just discovered that pretty much every episode is online. I just finished watching The Tale of Scroties McBoogerballs, which is nonstop toilet humor. Or, depending on your point of view, it's a scathing statement on just what is really accomplished by banning books, a frank depiction of how children will dodge responsibility, and a healthy side order of The Emperor Wears No Clothes, except as applied to literature. And there's really seventeen seasons? Has it really been going for that long? Shit. I was already low on free time as it was.

King of the Nerds: watched this at work, with a colleague. I took it as an opportunity to explain product placement to him. "Notice that they went to the trouble of mentioning that the pizza came from Little Caesar's, and one of the contestants actually said 'pizza-pizza' onscreen? Little Caesar's doubtlessly paid for that. And you see that there's a Radio Shack room, and it's littered with merch? Radio Shack paid handsomely for that." (One of the trivia questions asked in an elimination round had to do with Game of Thrones. I wouldn't be surprised if HBO paid for that.) I hate this show. It's a lot like Big Bang Theory, which I hate for depicting geeks as socially clueless and/or creepy. Honestly, some of us aren't... and some of us are, but know it and would rather not embarrass ourselves on TV. Combine this with the usual reality TV drama and backstabbing...
fierynotes: Picture of a black sockpuppet. (footsie)
A while back, I heard that in the Star Trek universe (specifically, the novelization of the fourth Star Trek movie), sugar makes Vulcans drunk. Sadly, I first learned this under some awful circumstances -- some SJ wanker had found a piece of fanfic in which a human dating a Vulcan had given her a box of chocolates, and immediately assumed that the human was planning to get the Vulcan too drunk to be able to say no, the writer was writing rape fic, you're worse than Hitler, go kill yourself, dogpile on the rabbit, yada yada yada. But I digress...

So, sugar. Gets Vulcans drunk. Why don't more fanfics address this?

I can see it now. Lots of teenage Vulcans at a nice big house, with no parent supervision, and lots of Earthly confections. At one table, jello-shots without the vodka, because why should there be vodka when sugar will do the job already? Earth drinking games played in one room, but instead of sipping drinks, the players are munching M&Ms. In another room, more Vulcans spreading out lines of pixie sticks on strippers' rear ends and sucking the sugar off with a straw. In one corner, two Vulcans drinking from two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew Throwback as fast as they can, while everyone around them is chanting. "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

(I offer this bunny free to any good home that will have it.)

In related news, this and this together are currently my favorite episode of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. About eight minutes in, Mac is running in terror from sugar... only to later embrace his inner lustful pop-monster.

    1. In all fairness, the SJW may have been right. I didn't read the story. But knowing SJWs the way I sometimes do, I'm going to assume that the worst crime the writer committed was using a box of chocolate as a romantic cliché and not knowing that sugar makes Vulcans drunk. I certainly didn't know that until recently...


fierynotes: Picture of Destruction, from the Sandman series, reading a book and slinging a guitar. (Default)


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